These are just a few of the various types of cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortion creates thoughts that cause individuals to perceive reality inaccurately. Therefor is can give individuals anxiety or unhealthy emotional patterns. Becoming aware of how you think is SO important because it affects your whole life 💗🧠
The Abandonment wound is present in many of us even if we don’t realize it. It is behind our self sabotage behaviours and the reason for a lot of anxiety when it comes to love. With an abandonment wound, conflict can feel terrifying. We might catastrophize, overreact, leave before being left, or feel intense worry when we think our partners might be mad at us. This wound prevents us from setting and holding our boundaries because it has us hyper focussed on maintaining connection in spite of our own needs. To heal, we are asked to: . Make friends with our wound - acknowledge its existence and balm it with love and acceptance. . Invite a trusted space holder, coach, therapist or friend into your world. . Lean into safe connections and ask for reminders that we are loved. . Invite our partner to support our healing ex: “I know this is my wound, but when you need space during conflict it would help me feel safe if you could remind me you love me or that you’re coming back when we are more calm”. . Deepening a connection with our inner-child and learn to self-soothe. . How does the Abandonment wound show up in your life? . To learn more about the abandonment wound swipe up in our stories and read the article. . Words @sheleanaaiyana . . . . . #abandonment#healing#therapy#innerhealing#emotions#psychology#relationships#recovery
People-pleasers are not necessarily “nice” people. They are full of doubt, fear, insecurity, and feel like the only way to get love & feel safe is to do what people want them to do & make sure no one gets upset with them. “If you like me, then I’m okay” is the subconscious mantra. I know because this was my MO for years. It was a survival trait and the only role i knew. It’s at the heart of codependent behavior. When i first made the connection between people-pleasing and manipulation, a lightbulb went off. I realized i wasn’t actually as ‘nice’ as i thought. Rude awakening! I was doing a lot of things for the wrong reasons- trying to validate my own worth as a person by controlling my image and how i was perceived, making sure no ones mad and everyone is pleased by me. It’s manipulative, controlling, and not loving. Not to mention exhausting. If this is you, it’s okay. It really is. It’s simply a learned trait, which also means it can be UNlearned. I’ve done a lot of subconscious & conscious rewiring around this. One of my mantras now is: “it’s okay for people to be disappointed w/ me. That’s THEIR feeling. It is safe to be me.” . Expect pushback when you shift out of pleasing everyone because you are disrupting the system and how it’s ‘always been.’ Take pushback as a sign you’re on the right track, to getting closer to who you truly are. And trust that the only person who needs to be okay with you, is you. Your worth is not dependent on whether everyone is pleased by you, likes you, approves of you. And when you believe this to be true, when you can accept yourself unconditionally, you can easily let go of trying to control your image through pleasing & adopt more of that ‘idgaf’ attitude. There’s a whole lot of freedom waiting for you on the other side.
Your life can be good, but not because life is always fair, not because everything will turn out the way that you expected, not because you will get every single thing you want.⠀ ⠀ Your life can be good because you have the power to make it good. Because goodness is a practice, a conscious, daily choice. It's not something we stumble upon, it's something we decide upon. It's something we create.
When we start the healing process a lot of what has been buried in our subconscious becomes untangled and released; it is the process of letting go that removes the tension that limits our happiness and inclines our behavior toward certain directions. This alleviates our thought pattern and brings clarity to our reasoning ability. These slight movements into deeper areas of wisdom, a natural part of getting to know yourself, helps our new motivator become a growing sense of compassion for ourselves and others - it is easier to understand others and the things that drive their actions when you understand your own inner world. One of the first areas that we can see a significant change is in how we intentionally and consciously think, we start being more gentle with ourselves and others, a new loving positivity emerges from releasing the tension of ego and allowing the clarity of consciousness to come forward - the essence of healing ourselves. This should not be confused for a total transformation, we can see signs of a new clarity emerging in our minds, but we must remember that the mind is vast, truly immense, and that the subconscious - where most of the old emotional history that impacts our daily behavior is contained, will still hold much that needs to be released. This creates a situation where our conscious thought pattern may have changed in the direction we are trying to move into, but our subconscious thoughts, the ones that spontaneously and unintentionally emerge, are still filled with the heaviness and harshness of old ways. This is not to say that we should force ourselves to think a certain way or push down our subconscious thoughts, we should just be aware that this is a natural part of the healing process and that we should focus on cultivating the habits that are helping us transform and using the practices that are healing our mind-space. Healing ourselves is not forcing ourselves to feel and think in certain ways, the real healing happens
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This post was inspired by @the.holistic.psychologist she wrote that “when our ego says I don’t know where to start, actually means I don’t want to let go of this current version of myself.” I felt that. Here’s a list of some other reasons you might be avoiding taking action or creating positive changes. 💗
So much of who we think we are is the movement of old patterns in our mind, reactions that reinforce particular behaviors depending on the situations that arise. These mental movements happen rather quickly and strengthen our sense of identity - our habits, whether they support our happiness or not, come together to build our character. Some may say, well this is who I am, but as our awareness grows we come to understand that 'who I am' is not stagnant or permanent, it is a dynamic accumulation that comes together to create a momentary phenomenon. The mind’s ability to change is one of our greatest powers. When we work toward changing ourselves there may be times where we struggle because a particular habit is so deeply entrenched in our identity. Self-improvement does not happen overnight; it is a long-term process. If we continue working on ourselves diligently and have a good tool that helps us release the patterns that cause us misery, then we will ultimately succeed in changing ourselves for the better. The deepest part of letting go does not happen when we intellectualize, it happens when we have a tool, like a good meditation technique, that takes us into the subconscious to release the tension that is in there. Sending love to all beings. May we all find a practice that really helps us let go at the deepest levels. May we all be happy and free. My first book, Inward, is on sale for $9.99 through the link in my profile and available in bookstores. 🙏🏽🌎 #yungpueblo
Dysfunctional old programming I’m healing from as I work on my codependency issues: People who are alone or single are sad. This was pounded into me as a young adult-there was a family member on my ex husband’s side I was close to who’d constantly remark how she felt bad for “old maids” because they were single and tell how her great grandmother’s husband cheated on her and she died all alone. When my husband had multiple affairs, on his last one, which was highly deceitful, destructive and abusive to me and to our children, she remarked to one of our kids that my husband just “couldn’t be alone.” But I realize now she gave him a pass because her own woundedness meant she couldn’t be alone either. Because if she could be alone herself she wouldn’t have rationalized his abuse, she would have empowered him to make healthier choices. She would have questioned his predatory ways of dating someone younger than his children and the damage he was doing to his relationships and his family. She would have helped him empower himself to know if he wanted a divorce he didn’t need to lie and cheat, he could communicate directly. She would have set an example on how to deal with fears and loneliness, instead of succumbing to them. And if she were really spiritually awakened she would have taught him how beautiful being alone can be; on how to be the right partner instead of always searching for the perfect one and chasing illusions, to sit with his loneliness to see what it was saying to him: What could it teach him? How could it help him grow? But because I believe she has a very strong codependency addiction herself she projected her weakness onto him. Because she couldn’t have done it herself. Because she herself stayed in an abusive marriage riddled with infidelity damaging herself and her children. And I know that my own codependency addiction kept me enslaved to a marriage and
This post shows another example of how thinking errors ultimately change the way we feel and act upon a situation. We may be susceptible to getting caught in the negative thinking pattern (left) if we are already experiencing anxiety or low self-esteem. This is why it is important to recognize when our thoughts are distorted and question them until this way of self-regulating becomes automatic for us. . Note: these thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are examples used for psychoeducational purposes only. The *situation* here can lead to various types of negative thinking patterns. Humans are complex and no one person reacts exactly the same in a certain situation. #cbt#cognitivebehavioraltherapy
Holiday discards are brutal, and the narcissist calculatedly executes them with joy. 🤢 . 💙 If you’ve ever been discarded during the holiday season, I deeply empathize with you, it’s excruciatingly painful. . 💙 Please know you’re not alone, toxic types are infamous for discarding their targets at this time of year. There are hundreds of thousands, if not millions of survivors going through exactly the same thing as you right now. . 💙 Remember, it may be painful now, but in the long run you’ll see it was no loss, I promise! . 💙 My advice to anyone who has been discarded by a narcissist, is to use it as an opportunity to implement the strict No Contact boundary as soon as possible. This is absolutely essential because most, if not all toxic people eventually try to Hoover their previous targets when they’re running low on Narcissistic Supply. Much love, ~ @dont_gaslight_me_bruh 💙💙💙💙💙💙
وقتى مى خواهيم رنجش زدايى كنيم لازم است وارد دنياى پديدارشناسانه طرف مقابل شويم و درك كنيم كه چه شده كه اينطور ديده، رفتار كرده و رنجيده و يا رنجانده است رنجش زدايى نوعى اتهام زدايى يا جرم انگارى نيست كه بخواهيم ثابت كنيم حق با كه بود.بلكه نوعى ايجاد ارتباط مؤثر باز فضايى مشترك و درك اين موضوع است كه دو نفر چطور موضوعى كه باعث رنجش شده را ديدند، رفتار كردند، فكر و احساس كردند و چه عواملى در درون ذهنشان كار مى كرد على بابايى زاد #alibabaeizad#psychology#ta#transactionalanalysis#delphiclinic#روانشناسى#خودشناسى#تحليل#رفتار#متقابل #دلفى.
Whining in children can feel like nails down a chalk board! For so many parents, it’s a really hard one to manage. Me included!! But whining in a young child is a sign that they are having a hard time. It’s an indication that their emotions are getting too big and they are feeling overwhelmed. ⠀ When we say things like “use you words”, it doesn’t offer any connection. It doesn’t show the child that we understand their distress. It doesn’t come from an understanding that when emotions become overwhelming, we start to lose access to our thinking brain- the very part of our brain that we need in order to access those words. It’s also reactive and likely to escalate their difficult emotions. ⠀ Whining back generally has two impacts - the child doesn’t have access to their thinking brain, so the logic and reason they need to understand what you’re doing doesn’t make sense. Or, they get what you’re doing and it ignites embarrassment. Embarrassment never leads to improved outcomes on the whole. ⠀ Instead, try taking a few big breaths. Remind yourself, your child isn’t giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time and - ⠀ - If the whining is getting in the way of you understanding, ask them to show you. This understands that words might be tricky to access right now but that you want to know what they need. ⠀ - If you know the unmet need e.g fatigue, need for connection and you can meet it, meet it. What your child is asking for may not reflect the real unmet need. ⠀ - Or, if you can’t meet their need, empathically restate the boundary and explain that they need to wait. Validate their experience and sit with their discomfort. “I get it, I can hear in your voice, you really want me to sit with you. I have to finish chopping these vegetables and then I can pick you up.” ⠀ When we consistently respond with kindness and maintain the limits we need to, young children will learn other ways of communicating. Like anything,
Не хочу ничего писать ✍️ Хочется просто наслаждаться этой прекрасной жизнью👐🏼 Каждым ее моментом💫 Никуда не спешить, просто жить здесь и сейчас 🤫💗 Пожалуй так и сделаю... . . . . . . #russia#girl#moment#moments#novosibirsk#moscow#siberia#liketime#likeforlikes#like4likes#memory#followforfollowback#followforlike#following#followers#instagram#instagood#instalike#winter#home#love#friend#psychology
As soon as I saw @brosandprose posting about this book, I knew that I had to check it out. Gaslighting: The Narcissist’s favorite tool for manipulation was a quick, insightful read. I found myself nodding a firm “mhm” as I read over some of the 80 common phrases the gaslighter uses. Overall, I think the book is a great overview and introduction for someone looking to learn more about gaslighting and how it affected them; however, I think there were points that could’ve used further explanation. I also would’ve loved more resources or footnotes to seek out once finishing the book (but maybe that’s just me🤷🏻♀️). #sexelducation#sexeld . . [Image description: A yellow book with black text and hands is positioned atop gold sequin fabric.]
My December wish for us all is twofold: that we are kind (Kind to each other and to ourselves). And that when there is kindness that we savor it, stay with it, take it in, receive it, believe it to be true, believe that it is for us. Both parts matter: the giving and the receiving. For many of us the receiving is even harder- it’s hard not to tell a story about how it’s not true, or rush into the next moment and forget that kindness was ever there. But we need to work harder on receiving it than we think we do: our brains (thanks evolution) are wired to take in hurtful or scary information with more ease than the good and yummy stuff- so we have to try to stay with it. Thats how we grow. The Beauty is that when we do that- it becomes easier to share kindness and goodness with others that we see in them. (Read more about this in the book “hardwiring happiness”) ✨ wants some practice? Leave a kind word for someone below, write someone a card, buy the person behind you in line a coffee, or leave an encouraging voicemail for a friend. #therapy#december#beaucoupbakery#kindness#positive#psychology#healing#positivepsychology#affectiveneuroscience#interpersonalneurobiology