Real life before capturing this photo... Camden constantly running in the opposite direction to any tractor he could jump on, getting lost in the muddy hay maze, feeding the goats with his bare hands, and then only stoping for a pic after saying “oopsie daisy” because he just threw pumpkins off the truck bed 🙃 And I truly can’t get enough of him - this is such a fun age! (I feel like I keep saying that at every stage 🥰) The best time with SharBear + Bull and the cutest little pumpkins in the patch!
Two of my all time favorite shots of our boys. Atlas at 3months and Crew at 5months. I always knew I wanted to create the same picture that I had taken of Atlas for Crew. I didn’t realize I was off by 2 months when I finally took it. Wow does time just fly by. I’m now eagerly awaiting for it to arrive in mail to hang up on our family wall. #brothers#samesies#happinessishomemade#happiestbaby#followinginbrothersfootsteps
Today is Conor’s birthday. He should be 20. I keep staring at my kids, my beautiful boys and something isn’t right. They are rambunctious, loud, smelly, rude, loving, funny, unique and perfect. They are mine. I know every detail of the faces and I can spot them a mile away by their walk. I know who is most likely to wake up in the middle of the night, who will most likely make me laugh and who will make me want to pull my hair out. I love them with an intensity that still takes my breath away. And every minute of every day, every event, every milestone and every accomplishment I feel something tugging at my thoughts. There’s something not right. There’s something missing. There is someone missing. There is a thought that steals into each day and each moment. I should know this. I should’ve been through this already...I should have a 20 year old son. There should have been someone here paving the way. My oldest child isn’t my my oldest child, not in my mind or in my heart. I should have a 20 Year old son. I should have a 20 Year old. Instead I still see a mischievous 4 year old with only one side of his neck covered in freckles that smells of warm blankets and cookies. A smart and funny kid that made every one around him take notice and pay attention. I see a little boy playing trains and watching toystory and scoby doo. A kid that would do anything for his little brother, who loved that little brother more than anything. I miss that little boy...but today I mostly I miss knowing who he would be right now today on his 20th birthday. I miss the awkward teen he would’ve been and the man he would be becoming. I miss the fights and the fun he would’ve had with his brothers. I miss the sleepless nights worrying about where he is and what he would be doing. I miss who he could’ve and should’ve been. I miss his laughter. I miss hearing that squeaky little voice crack and say “so what do you want to do today mom?” #itsmylife#grief#childhoodcancer